I thought about it for days but something was off about her seeing someone else already. I know her and I saw it in her eyes that it was very painful for her to tell me that. I have never been this sure in my life. And I’ve known her for so long already. I just know she was lying to me that day.
I went over to her friend’s house, hoping to get some answers. Aside from me, this friend, Myra, was her go-to person when she has problems or when we have problems.
When I arrived, Myra was watering the plants at her front lawn. When she saw me, her face looked both surprised and scared. Like she already knows why I’m here. And that just made me more certain that I was told a lie a few days ago.
“Where is she?” I asked the moment I reached over to Myra.
“What… what are you doing?” she stuttered.
“I asked you first. Where is she?” I was getting annoyed.
Myra turned her back at me and replied, “She’s not here.”
I reached over her and turned her to face me. “I know you know something. So just tell me now to save us both the time.”
“I don’t… I don’t know what –”
Before she can finish her sentence, I held both of her arms and looked at her, “Please, I know she’s not seeing someone. So just tell me why she would say to me that she is. Please.” I didn’t want to cry but I am near to that. I am so frustrated that she lied to me but also happy because she wasn’t really seeing someone.
Myra’s face looked pitiful. She sighed and began, “She thought it was the best thing to do for the two of you.”
“What?” I exclaimed and let Myra go.
Myra sighed once more and sat on their bench. Without an invitation, I sat next to her. My knees are getting weak and I don’t know if they can handle what was coming next. “When you messaged her that day, you should’ve seen the smile on her face. She wasn’t sure what to wear. She was so excited that it was so funny. She’s like a little girl not knowing what to do.”
I find myself smiling at the thought of how she might’ve looked like.
Myra continued, “What she told me is this. When she saw you, she said that you were looking good.” She turned to me and studied me for a while. “You do, actually. She said you looked like you gained weight so she said that you must’ve been sleeping well.”
“I wasn’t sleeping well,” I told her. “I was just sleeping a lot.”
“Nonetheless, she saw that as a sign of improvement when you two weren’t together. She thought that without her always wanting to be with you, you’re able to focus more on yourself instead of the relationship you have with her.” Myra faced me and asked, “Are you drawing again?”
I nodded. “I started drawing again when she and I weren’t together. But most of the things I drew were places I want to take her, scenarios I have in my head when we’re finally together again. I wanted to show them to her so badly but I don’t know how at the time. I know she will be glad to know that I am drawing again.” Remembering how depressing it was not to have her was making me want to cry. “The reason I gained weight was yes, because I was sleeping a lot. But not for the reason she thinks. I only sleep a lot so I won’t miss her. And when I’m asleep, I always dream of her.”
“She’s seen them. Another reason why she thought you were doing so well. She said that your drawings were beautiful and she doesn’t want you to stop doing that,” Myra answered. Then her voice turned gloomy, “You should’ve seen her when she got home from the meet-up with you. She can’t stop crying. I kept telling her to take back what she said to you but she insisted that you were better off without her. That she was draining you. She said that you found yourself back because of the space you asked for and she doesn’t want you to lose that again just because you two got back together,” Myra said.
“But it’s nothing like that. I wasn’t any better without her. In fact, I was worse!” I retorted.
“Hey,” Myra raised both her hands at me. “You’re telling the wrong girl here.”
Myra was right. I should find her and tell her she was wrong. This separation isn’t what’s best for us. “Where is she?”
Myra stood up and went back to watering her lawn. “She’s at the embassy applying for her visa to the States.”
“What? She’s leaving?”
“She said that being in the same place with you won’t be good now that you’ve broken up so she called up her Aunt there and told her she’s going to start processing things,” Myra explained.
I walked over to her and asked her which emabssy it was. Myra took some pen and paper and quickly gave me the address. I thanked her for being honest with me and then gave her a hug. She wished me good luck before I left.
I have to tell her what she doesn’t know. I love her and this time, I am not just going to let her walk out on me. I am going to run after her.