Posted in Personal

Here’s to us

I can’t believe it’s been a year. Not because I felt like it happened so fast, but because I feel like it’s more than that.

A year. A year of happiness and laughs. A year of sudden fights and pathetic arguments. A year of video calling, phone calls, Skype messages, texts, chats. A year of sweetness, of non-stop I love you’s, kissing and heart emojis. A year of understanding, compromises, forgiveness, making up. A year of so many emotions. A year of tears, both from laughing and crying. A year of you and I. Such a wonderful year it was.

Cliché as it may sound but it feels like a lot has happened in just a year. And I wish I could share here all the amazing things that had happened to us but really, I’d like to keep them to myself — to us. The world doesn’t need to know, right? And yes, I am being selfish. I am always selfish when it comes to you.

I feel like there’s so many things I want to say. And there should be. It’s our first year anniversary. But once again, here I am at a loss for words. Once again, I cannot say the right things. When it comes to you, words are never enough. I can never truly express everything that I feel for you. I’m not making any excuses here. I really am speechless.

Then again, maybe I don’t need to say anything. Or I don’t need to say much. Maybe, all I have to do is look you in the eye and let my feelings flow through them. Look straight into my eyes and I will let you see my soul. You have my heart from the very start so you should know exactly how I feel. No need for words. No need for poems. No need for letters. No need for songs.

This isn’t going out the way I planned. I was thinking of a grand gesture but here I am typing the first thing that pops into my messy head; not even sure if I’m still making sense. I feel like I’m at a podium and there are hundreds of people staring back at me. I couldn’t speak, my heart is in my throat, and my stomach is in knots. Why do I have to feel like that? This is just an expression of what I feel for our first year anniversary. Yet somehow, when it comes to you, my heart is always racing.

My love, despite such a terrible attempt to give you something special, I hope you know the gist of it all. Despite the lack of coherence in my paragraphs or the lack of substance in my speech, know that I want this to be something special. Something that you can be proud of one day. Something that you can tell to our kids saying, “You know what, for our first year anniversary, you mother wrote such an amazing piece for me. I still remember every word by heart.” Or something to that effect. I don’t really have to say it or type it. You know it. You feel it. And I think that’s the most special thing I can ever give to you today and for the rest of our lives.

So to my best friend of two years, my boyfriend of one year, my fiancé of one month, and my love for the rest of my life — Happy One Year Anniversary! May this be just the beginning of so many more years of our lives together. You know the rest of what I will say. No more cheeky lines following from here.

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