Ever since I got a sense of the world, I have always wanted to be someone’s wife. I dreamed my wedding, white dress and all, and I have always wanted to take care of someone. To have someone with me for the rest of my life.
But I guess I have this fairytale idea all this time that I never really thought of the whole marriage thing. I have an idea because of all the romantic comedies I have seen. But the real thing? I had absolutely no idea.
I have always dreamed of getting proposed to with a shiny diamond ring. I’ve dreamed of wearing it over my wedding ring. And I’ve dreamed of having to live with someone and take care of him, under one roof. All these things, I have them. I have the rings and I will soon have a place with the love of my life. But this isn’t where it ends… this is where it all begins.
My mother and I would talk time to time about how it is to be married. You need to take care of everything. You need to pay for everything. From the bills up to the smallest of things like cooking oil. You can’t live luxuriously, unless of course you get paid 100,000 a month, which I don’t. Otherwise, you take it one day a time, manage your expenses, and still keep yourself sane.
Then you would have to take care of the household; something I have never done before. I’m the youngest and all this time, I have my mother to do the things for me. I would wake up and breakfast will be served right away. My room is cleaned and my bed is made every day. I don’t have to break a single sweat as long as my mother is around. But being married, being someone’s wife, is a different story.
You would have to wake up and prepare the food. After that, you would have to start preparing lunch. Then you need to get to work. After some time, it’s time to start preparing dinner. In between, you’d have other tasks like clean the house, wash the dishes and clothes, and other small things to take care of the house.
You’d have to buy furniture and appliances. Pay the house and we have a car to manage as well. Manage the groceries and as previously mentioned, pay the bills. In short, let’s just say it’s a long list to things to lose money for.
I’m not entirely sure where this thing is going, but I guess it’s just me sharing my thoughts and realization about the married life. I was so excited for it; I was feeling so giddy about it. I still am but it’s joined by fear now. I realized that being married does not mean you will just spend your time with your significant other without having to worry about anything else. What I have known about it is nothing compared to what it actually is. I’m scared that I will keep making mistakes and not do well as a wife. I’m afraid to disappoint my husband. I fear that it’s going to be super hard and I won’t be able to take it.
But I’m already here. I already have a ring on my finger and the future is coming at me fast. There’s no turning back and I can’t ask for more time to learn how to be a wife and what to do when you’re married. I wanted this and I should face this headstrong.
It’s not going to be easy, and that is a fact. It’s going to have a lot of downs than ups in the beginning. It’s not going to be like my fairytale dream.
But it’s still what I want. It may not be how I pictured it but it’s what I can see now. And I’m ready for it. Scared yes, but ready.
I tell myself it’s going to be okay. Because I know it will be. Hard at first, but it’s going to get better. I just know and I trust it.
So if you’re out there feeling the same way as I am now, just hang in there. I may not know when or how it’s going to go, but it will go well. You got this. I got this.