At night, I imagine your arms around me. The thought of your warm body pressed against mine keeps me comfortable in the cold, dark evenings. It’s hard being away from you. Thousands of miles away, oceans between us, keeping us apart. All I want is to be next to you and not feel the emptiness of my bed whenever it’s time to sleep.
But, I have to wait for that. So instead of wallowing in sadness because of that longing for you, I try to imagine being next to you every single night. Somehow, it keeps me going. And once again, that’s how I’ll be sleeping tonight.
“I’ve heard about sparks,” he said as he leaned closer to my ear and whispered, “but there’s like a wild fire burning in my heart right now. I don’t know much about that.”
“You’re just exaggerating it,” I replied playfully.
He looked straight into my eye, like he’s trying to see my soul. Then slowly, he parted his lips on mine. And with every slow kiss, I understood what he was talking about. Fire. We were burning ourselves with every touch.
In the dead of night, I hear nothing but your silence on the other end. The whispering echoes of words unsaid. I wonder what goes on in your head. I wonder what it’s like to peer into your soul and break through the silence. I wonder if it’s chaotic in your mind. But all I can do now is wonder. And listen. To that deafening silence between us. Hoping one day, I can hear your thoughts and not wonder anymore.
My mother told me that the reason I have been having failing relationships is because I keep singing in the shower. Her and my grandma used to believe in that superstition that an unmarried girl shouldn’t sing in the shower if she’d like to find a man who will marry her someday.
I stopped singing for a while. But then I met you. And despite the fact that I sometimes still sing in the shower now, we’re still together. You’re still with me. So, I stopped believing then.
I was never good in making decisions. Like, what shoes to wear to go with my top. Whether or not, to buy the big bottle of shampoo or the sachets. Even choosing a food to eat at a restaurant I have first been in. That’s why I usually eat at fast food chains so that I only have few choices and I already know what to order.
I take a lifetime to decide in simple situations and forever for life-changing ones. But, if there’s one decision that didn’t take me too long to make, it would be choosing to love you. And that’s also the best decision I’ve ever made in my whole life.